Prolonged Momentary Hitch Breathed Dilemma

   Trust and expectations travel in the same boat, with them comes hope and disappointment quietly follows. But we choose to fall in the boat nonetheless. We choose to love and to trust because we cannot do without it. And in that vicious loop people fall in the blame game, but really, if there's anyone to blame it's ourselves, and our instincts. Those uncontrollable flames of emotions licking our flesh. We fail to accept things that were bound to happen and cringe internally. Crib and complain. And whine some more. But we will never learn to contain those floods of emotions within our gates. But one day we get tired; tired of these continuous loops leading us no where. 

   She was tired too; and cold. Numb and stuck; she didn't wanna go on anymore, but she had to. Neither could she go on internally, standing at a divide in the road. She knew everything will eventually lead her to the ubiquitous, ineradicable pain with tiny little packages of happiness on her way. Stranded right on the fork, reluctant to decide, she waits to watch life go by for everyone. To let time tell it's tale. And it does without the slightest trace of her absence.

   Stranded at a place she's falling, the scenery around her never changing. Looping where shards of glass crack and start to fall to the ground but never really find any closure. In that prolonged momentary hitch breathed dilemma, she never knows if she will ever hit the ground reality. That ephemeral blindness of lights out is starting to seem perennial. Clutching at her heart, pleading it to shift to a slower pace, her pulse has settled on a permanent high. She's stripped of  conscious thoughts. Fleeting memories of him bring her out of this reverie. Brief encounters if his voice or face would cure her out a little.

    This forces her to believe he is what she's seeking. But she isn't. He's started to matter a lot more than the one who is supposed to. Because he is the only shore she sees everytime she manages to bob her head out of the strong current of the water's surface. Someone's holding her hand underwater, her feet are anchored by shackles somewhere deep down on the sea bed. She's fighting for breath and struggling to live, hence all other thoughts cease to matter.

                                              - ThatGirl.Again

The Never Ending Maze

Yeah, She definitely does follow a pattern. She had read somewhere about it. How women tend to follow a typical pattern while they subconsciously choose to fall for there significant other. Now she could join all the pieces, relate and see that she would always somehow fall for all the difficult Men. Or Boys.. All these guys with ideals, morals, values.. head in the clouds, ambitious guys. But if nothing, he would be amazing at heart. Elder guys usually wooed her more often then not. But then.. nothing ever ends without buts uhh.. He would have to be difficult, stuck in love or career focused. And I guess she subconsciously went for it because she knew that this will ensure her to be out of his focus of attention. But having enough to be able to ask for it. Unwanted attention was the last thing she enjoyed. 

    The drama and adventure of investing herself and fighting towards unattainable things attracted her may be. Because she never gave up. He would become the world she would live in and every smile of her's would be on his account. Such was the way she fell; emotionally invested. He would become the first person to know the trivial details of her insignificant day. And he would happily revel with her as an accomplice; in all her tiny adventures. But then again; again they would realize how hard and fast she has fallen. Reality comes crashing in. They would run from that. And hide. But to no accord. Like waves they will come crashing back to each other. Ever touching, Ever seeing. Never meeting. 

    Always in the shadows of her ablaze self, would be someone who would truly believe to have fallen for her. And she loves him, but just that. She isn't in any fight here to achieve. Her fight here is to balance and that's worse. There's lot of patience and concentration required. No impulsive passionate shots of pure fury or pleasure. Just this frustrating obsession of perfection, balance, harmony. 

   But no one knows what she has been tired of explaining. She doesn't want the world at her feet. Just something that's enough to make her happy. And no amount of efforts are really required. If you click, she will fall in your arms happily. Then again, this entire game that she puts herself into. This maze between the person who sets her on fire and the one who seeks her shadows. It's all in her head. All the time. One moment she's dipping her toes in pure throes of fury or impulse, the next second she's fighting hard in her head to set the scales right. Continuously lost in this maze, they haunt her in her dreams too.

                                               - ThatGirl.Again