The seeds of doubt. The unbelieving looks that pass their faces. The speculations. And how their actions speak so much louder. How they look away. And how they make it a point to pierce her with their words or actions, making it look like it was just another random thing. Those loud cries of desperation and insecurity being defended as clues and hints of unsatisfaction. The pretence of killing a flying bird while she has been caged and rid of her wings earlier. Sometimes they say it, sometimes they show it. Most times they abandon her. And again she gets trampled on and forgotten despite all her efforts. It's hard to tell who is more desperate.
She goes out of her way. She compromises. She lets god her own comforts. She has gone numb about her own choices. She abandons her sleep each night. She carries their baggage while dragging behind her own sorrows or dropping them altogether. All she expects is acceptance, care. A concerned look, deep down her almost unfathomable eyes. A genuine, giving hug; not of self infliction or formalities. The promise of belonging. After doing so much. That is all she asks for.
What she gets instead is taunts, pokes, anger, avengeful words, unsatisfaction and most of all hurt. Still she keeps trying. Running. She never stops trying. The little mouse on the wheel. Struggling to make all ends meet. Pleasing everyone. Feeling guilty for working late. Wishing for seconds to tick by faster or slower as people please. Only to make them smile. Because that is what counts. And that was all that mattered to her. Until lately. She has put down her weapons now. She is tired of running. She is going to be blamed and hurt either way. So she's giving up. Letting go..
- ThatGirl.Again
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