Nothing more...

Ever since she encountered loss, however brief, her heart started with those cracks. And then some shards here and there. A few pieces kept falling out without her realizing. Those tiny voids didn't come to mean much.. She would always learn to live with it before another one of those cracks would slice her through. In those snippy terse confrontations with her heartbreaks, her world would collide with the universe; in her head, there was just abyss.

Concurrent lapses of darkness and one rainy evening, she only finds a hole where her heart resided once. There's nothing left, not enough, even for tears. A silent, gaping, numb hole. But love would still come seeking her. Such loves she couldn't fulfill or deny. 'Heartless' they might call her then. But literally so. Coming around in bits and pieces, the hole would fill up some, fall out a bit more.

So much was buried in the confines of the dark, cracked crevice. She let no one see those dark secrets in the fear of loss. He had unknowingly induced healing in her. Piece by piece she was coming around. He illuminated the crevice, her secrets ablaze, and however ugly, this time she didn't try to hide them. Whether intoxicated with passion, the veil of fear had vanished from between them. Emotions were felt on a greater intensity, she hardly knew what she was doing. She was enveloped in a force led by her subconscious, she was busy taming the wildly galloping horses of her heart. A glimpse would curb all her unending questions. There was just one answer. That she was happy. And she didn't need a reason.

Sometimes in the dark of the night, they would question all of it, all over again. The invisible line that they kept crossing and pushing each other back on, the deciphering of spoken emotions and unspoken words, the assumptions of regrets, the expectations of hopes, the confusion of dwindling veils. Often, all the looming questions in the air made it hard to breathe. So much dilemma. Such quiet drama. 

Faced with each other, it all ceased to matter. They were only happy then. She was happy. And there wasn't a need of any answers. Happiness. And she's asking for nothing more. Nothing more.

- ThatGirl.Again

Prolonged Momentary Hitch Breathed Dilemma

   Trust and expectations travel in the same boat, with them comes hope and disappointment quietly follows. But we choose to fall in the boat nonetheless. We choose to love and to trust because we cannot do without it. And in that vicious loop people fall in the blame game, but really, if there's anyone to blame it's ourselves, and our instincts. Those uncontrollable flames of emotions licking our flesh. We fail to accept things that were bound to happen and cringe internally. Crib and complain. And whine some more. But we will never learn to contain those floods of emotions within our gates. But one day we get tired; tired of these continuous loops leading us no where. 

   She was tired too; and cold. Numb and stuck; she didn't wanna go on anymore, but she had to. Neither could she go on internally, standing at a divide in the road. She knew everything will eventually lead her to the ubiquitous, ineradicable pain with tiny little packages of happiness on her way. Stranded right on the fork, reluctant to decide, she waits to watch life go by for everyone. To let time tell it's tale. And it does without the slightest trace of her absence.

   Stranded at a place she's falling, the scenery around her never changing. Looping where shards of glass crack and start to fall to the ground but never really find any closure. In that prolonged momentary hitch breathed dilemma, she never knows if she will ever hit the ground reality. That ephemeral blindness of lights out is starting to seem perennial. Clutching at her heart, pleading it to shift to a slower pace, her pulse has settled on a permanent high. She's stripped of  conscious thoughts. Fleeting memories of him bring her out of this reverie. Brief encounters if his voice or face would cure her out a little.

    This forces her to believe he is what she's seeking. But she isn't. He's started to matter a lot more than the one who is supposed to. Because he is the only shore she sees everytime she manages to bob her head out of the strong current of the water's surface. Someone's holding her hand underwater, her feet are anchored by shackles somewhere deep down on the sea bed. She's fighting for breath and struggling to live, hence all other thoughts cease to matter.

                                              - ThatGirl.Again