Mirage of a War

   The stark normalcy of each day is like a piercing scream in a silent night. Such high contrasts to what has been going on in the depths of two souls. The pretense of nothingness is worse than the chaotic drama she is habituated to each day. To be hurt in love is inevitable, but then it was clear that war always brought destruction. An ally's strike was always that. But she never knew that pain could make you smile and being loved could be unfulfilling too. All at the same time. A little seems a lot when replaced with nothingness. A lot is made to look like it's nothing because, Pretense. And the silence of it all, in an intimate territory with no boundaries, yet so far; leaves behind destruction of no measure.

  And yet again, she gets to watch all of it, the drama and him, slip away, ever so slowly, like a lightening flash; it will all be gone. And loss is such that, it leaves behind destruction in it's wake. The one who leaves might suffer from nostalgia, but is otherwise unperturbed. He's heading to  new world, either out of choice or consequence and there's no reason or time to look back. The ones left behind, among the same walls, breathing the same air, walking the same gravel; the ones left behind are the ones who would grieve. She knows that once someone leaves, they can never come back. And she knows grieving is unfruitful. Futile. 

   But she also knows she has always emerged out of distress. And even if it takes time, she will manage to get out of this one and joke about it.  But before that, there will be adequate drama, boatloads of tears and quite a few blackouts. And she is preparing her armours. She is set for the war, which will not only bring destruction, but smiles of horribly unreasonable nature.

                     - That Girl.Again

 

Nothing more...

Ever since she encountered loss, however brief, her heart started with those cracks. And then some shards here and there. A few pieces kept falling out without her realizing. Those tiny voids didn't come to mean much.. She would always learn to live with it before another one of those cracks would slice her through. In those snippy terse confrontations with her heartbreaks, her world would collide with the universe; in her head, there was just abyss.

Concurrent lapses of darkness and one rainy evening, she only finds a hole where her heart resided once. There's nothing left, not enough, even for tears. A silent, gaping, numb hole. But love would still come seeking her. Such loves she couldn't fulfill or deny. 'Heartless' they might call her then. But literally so. Coming around in bits and pieces, the hole would fill up some, fall out a bit more.

So much was buried in the confines of the dark, cracked crevice. She let no one see those dark secrets in the fear of loss. He had unknowingly induced healing in her. Piece by piece she was coming around. He illuminated the crevice, her secrets ablaze, and however ugly, this time she didn't try to hide them. Whether intoxicated with passion, the veil of fear had vanished from between them. Emotions were felt on a greater intensity, she hardly knew what she was doing. She was enveloped in a force led by her subconscious, she was busy taming the wildly galloping horses of her heart. A glimpse would curb all her unending questions. There was just one answer. That she was happy. And she didn't need a reason.

Sometimes in the dark of the night, they would question all of it, all over again. The invisible line that they kept crossing and pushing each other back on, the deciphering of spoken emotions and unspoken words, the assumptions of regrets, the expectations of hopes, the confusion of dwindling veils. Often, all the looming questions in the air made it hard to breathe. So much dilemma. Such quiet drama. 

Faced with each other, it all ceased to matter. They were only happy then. She was happy. And there wasn't a need of any answers. Happiness. And she's asking for nothing more. Nothing more.

- ThatGirl.Again